


i hope you (whose name i don’t know) feel the same as i do

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mild Sexual Content, Not Beta Read, One Night Stands, i'm bad at tagging and summaries and i apologize, it starts with the mild smut so be warned, this is the least confident i've ever been in a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: Mark is having a hard time forgetting a one night stand.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Mark Lee, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 114





	i hope you (whose name i don’t know) feel the same as i do

**Author's Note:**

> listen… this is kind of predictable and it’s a mess, but i’m going through a crisis and i need my emotional support kpop boys that started this entire thing  
> i really wanted to get it done to make myself feel better, especially with all the writing and rewriting i did, so here we are
> 
> title from where r u by mamamoo aka the only gg i actually listen to

As the guy begins peppering kisses down the side of his neck Mark forgets to breathe. He’s pushed against a wall in his hotel room, both of his hands on the guy’s waist, pulling the stranger closer to himself. He hasn’t had this feeling in a while. He wonders how a complete stranger is able to find his exact buttons and push them so well.

He loses himself in the pleasure, he forgets about everything else in those few hours while the stranger makes him feel everything he hasn’t felt in about a year.

He works him open carefully, whispering praises along the way. He’s careful, and patient, and though Mark doesn’t know his name, he will swear that it doesn’t feel like just sex. It doesn’t make sense, Mark knows, but he can’t deny that that’s what it feels like.

The man spoils him that night. Everything he does yields a response from Mark’s body. He whimpers and moans, he asks for faster and harder, he’s unable to control himself. That is why Mark first realizes it. As he gets louder while the man is towering over him, hitting his prostate with each thrust, Mark has a light bulb moment. This is the best sex he has ever had.

In the end, he lies there, covered in sweat trying to catch his breath before the man leans down and kisses him again. Mark is more surprised by that kiss than he was by how he came moments prior without being touched.

The stranger holds him after, giving Mark the affection he always craves after the fact.

A stranger who he talked to for an hour before they went to Mark’s hotel room gave him everything he’s been craving for the last year.

* * *

When Mark wakes up in the morning, the man is gone.

He lies still in bed, trying to sense his presence, and his heart sinks when he realizes that he’s alone in the hotel room.

He’s not sure what he expected. It was nothing more than a one night stand, a handsome stranger he met in a hotel bar and took upstairs to his hotel room. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Maybe it’s because it was the last thing Mark expected to happen. He’s in London on a business trip, he had meetings all day and he just needed a drink to ease the stress of everything that happened that day. He wasn’t supposed to spot the only other Korean man in the room. He wasn’t supposed to invite him for a drink, or say yes when the man suggested that they should hook up. He wasn’t supposed to enjoy it as much as he did.

Mark is busy. His last relationship ended a year ago, right before he got that big promotion at work that he wanted, so he just threw himself in the work. Saying that he’s satisfied with how things are would be a big fat lie, he isn’t, and he wants to change because his entire approach towards his love life is wrong as it is. He plans to do it, in his own time, at his own terms. His terms are now changing, all because of a man who remains nameless.

The thing is that Mark got dicked down so well last night, he’s going to feel it for at least a week. In the aftermath of it, he regrets most of the decisions he made. He agreed to a one night thing, he agreed for them not to say their names. All stupid in his current state of mind. Now, when the man is gone, Mark wants to know his name. He wants it again.

Mark doesn’t get what he wants.

He tries to find the guy that same day, tries to connect what clues he has, and he fails. He talks to the receptionists, borderline pleads for them to give him any information. They swear that they don’t know anything. He waits at the bar that night, hoping to see him again even though he knows it’s in vain. The guy said he was leaving back for Seoul today. Mark has a few more days before he can go back.

* * *

“How was the trip?” It’s the first thing Chenle asks him on the Monday after he returns. Mark flops into his chair, sighing as he sits down.

“Good,” he returns, but his tone of voice further worries Chenle. Chenle knows him very well. They’ve worked together ever since Mark’s promotion. Mark doesn’t like saying that Chenle is his assistant, even though it’s his official title. He doesn’t want there to be a huge power imbalance between them, so he urges Chenle to be honest with him. But he can’t deny that he relies on Chenle for basically too much. Without him Mark’s life would be a mess.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m just a little tired,” he lies, and he can tell that Chenle reads through him. Chenle doesn’t ask for more information though. Instead, he offers the usual, “I’ll get you some caffeine,” he tells him, followed by the standard morning routine, “Your messages are on their usual spot. Your schedule is pretty empty, just the standard Monday meeting. Also, Johnny’s going to be on line one in five minutes, he asked for it to be put in your schedule. I put it in for an hour just in case.”

“Thanks Chenle.”

“I’ll be back in a few with your coffee.”

Mark mentally prepares for the conversation with Johnny cause Johnny will be able to tell that something’s up right away. He knows how crazy it’ll sound to his friend.

He takes those few minutes while he waits for that much needed coffee, to put some order on his desk, separating all the new documents he needs to go through again and sign before he sends them off to the higher-ups.

“Dinner tonight at my and Ten’s place.” Johnny says to him as soon as Mark answers the call.

“Good morning to you too John. I slept like shit, how are you?”

Johnny groans on the other end of the call.

“How jet lagged are you?”

“A normal amount considering the 8 hour time difference.” Mark looks at the phone sitting on his desk and the light signaling that he’s put Johnny on speaker. Johnny mhms and allows for a silence to build, a much needed break to slow down the conversation. He still presses on, though.

“So dinner?”

“Why are you rushing, Chenle booked you an hour.”

“I love that kid,” Johnny remarks, then asks again. Mark realizes he needs to agree to move past the subject. “So tonight?”

“I’ll be there at eight,” he responds, “Did I miss anything that makes it so urgent?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Johnny promises, and in turn Mark mhms at him, “Did you have a good flight?”

“It was alright,” he answers, following it with a sigh. The mention of the flight reminds him of what he was doing during those sixteen hours that he was in the air. What he was thinking about.

“What happened to you? You sound kind of out of it. More so than normal.”

The question from Johnny offers him the excuse he needs to tell someone about what happened.

“I slept with someone in London.”

There’s another pause then, and Mark isn’t sure if Johnny’s processing, because what would he have to process. A moment later he realizes that Johnny’s just expecting Mark to keep going with the story.

“Do share more. What was his name?”

“I don’t know his name. He doesn’t know mine.”

“I can’t believe you wilded without me,” Johnny laughs.

“I didn’t wild. I had a one night stand.”

“That’s you wilding in my books,” Mark can hear the smile still present in Johnny’s voice. An unknown voice interrupts then which Mark assumes is one of Johnny’s coworkers, “I have to go. We’ll talk about this tonight.”

Mark knows very well that his sex life will be the main topic of discussion. With how much he’s thinking about it ever since it happened, he needs Johnny and Ten’s input in this. They’re much more experienced than him with this type of thing. Johnny might be kind of right when he says that this was Mark wilding. He normally doesn’t do one night stands. He needs their advice on how to get over this because the way things are going at the moment, he can’t do it on his own.

To his surprise, Ten is the opposite of helpful. Johnny doesn’t want to do it, but once Mark is done with his story, Ten encourages him.

“Do you want to find him? If you do, I have a friend in those rich bitch circles. He socializes a lot, he might be able to help you.”

Telling this embarrassing story about getting overly attached to a stranger? Hell no.

“How do you have a friend in those circles?” Mark asks, surprised by Ten’s statement because it’s the most out of character thing he heard about him. Ten would most likely bully someone like that before befriending them.

“He’s in my yoga class and he’s down to earth. Johnny knows him too.”

“You’re talking about Jaehyun, right?” Johnny queries, then confirms everything that Ten said after his boyfriend nods, “He’s really nice. You’d think he’s normal when he’s not in his business attire.”

“I know nothing about either of you. What happened to eat the rich?”

“We all have good jobs and are on our way to becoming just like them. It’s time we dropped the act before we become hypocrites,” Ten states it like it’s obvious. He’s right, it should be obvious.

* * *

Without the much needed advice, Mark still tries his best to forget about the guy and he fails in every step of the way. The guy and what they did shows up in Mark’s thoughts whenever he has a moment to himself. Before bed, in the shower, while things are going slow in the office. Even during board meetings when they’re discussing things they’ve already made decisions on. Usually when he’s having a hard time falling asleep. If he has a free moment, he thinks of the stranger. Of his voice, his eyes, of the dimples when he smiles. Of how smart he sounded while they were talking. Of how good it felt to be with him. All the details he didn’t share with his friends and kept for himself.

He thinks about Ten’s offer too, then he stops considering it. He’s only going to ask for help if his way doesn’t work. And he already has a way figured out.

“Chenle?”

“Yeah?”

“Come in, close the door.”

It’s a bit unusual for Mark to do this, he never asks Chenle for personal things. But nothing about Mark’s behavior has been as usual ever since London. He never asks Chenle to close the door while speaking in a suspiciously low tone either. These are two firsts on the same day. No wonder Chenle notices it and looks at him with confusion when he asks.

“What can I do for you?”

“I have a weird task for you. I can’t tell you more than that.”

“Alright,” Chenle returns, wary 

“I need a list of all high-end clubs, restaurants and bars, places where the elite and celebrities hang out.” He’s still going on the conversation he had with the guy, the visual clues he picked up on. He has a good feeling about it too. And if push comes to shove, Ten’s friend is always there as plan B. “And I need this to stay between us.”

“Easy. It’ll be on your desk by the end of the day.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Chenle says with a smile, “You really had me worried there for a second.”

If only Mark’s worry can last that long too.

* * *

Mark’s work days typically end in the period between five and nine in the evening which turns out to work out perfectly for his plan. He starts going out that same night after he gets the list from Chenle. He starts at a fancy restaurant where he sits in the bar because he can’t get a table. The man isn’t there that night. The next night Mark tries a nightclub, and fails to find the guy. He goes all over Seoul, scratching names off Chenle’s list without any success. When he finishes it he starts from the top, spending even more evenings alone at places where he doesn’t feel like he belongs. Once again, he has no luck.

That’s what makes him do it. Another fruitless endeavor at a nightclub where he spends another lonely night in a corner, trying to get through it without being hit on by someone. It’s the frustration, mixed with the memory of the guy’s lips, and a text from Johnny that asks where he is because they haven’t seen him in over a month. He tells himself fuck it, it’s a sign. He needs actual help because his shit isn’t working.

“Are you guys at home right now? Can I come over?”

Johnny answers yes to both, and twenty minutes later, Mark is sitting in their living room, having a freaking breakdown.

* * *

Maybe the anger and frustration are evident on his face, maybe that is why his friends pick up on it immediately. But at the same time it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that they notice. And they want to help.

Ten makes him sit down on the armchair and take off his jacket, while Johnny shoves a bottle of water in his hands. He’s not drunk. He did drink at the club, but it was just one beer that he was nursing the entire time. He’s quite sober actually. That’s why it’s worse. He’s not numb enough.

Both of them find a spot on the couch from where they have a direct view of him. It feels a bit intimidating, but just a bit. It’s more related to the state that he’s in. Though he doesn’t doubt that Johnny would give him a talking to about the stupid shit he’s been doing. Mostly about going to those places alone.

“Does the offer still stand?” he asks his friends, hoping that the mention of it will be enough. Maybe the fact that they have no idea what he’s been doing in the meantime makes the communication harder. If Mark was upfront about what he does all those nights where he had to turn them down so he can go and try again.

“Which one?” Johnny queries.

“The one where you’ll call your friend to help me find him.”

It’s not what either of them expected to hear, Mark can see it on their faces.

Ten looks at Johnny’s facial expression, expecting something. But Johnny’s busy trying to decipher Mark.

“I’ll call him right now,” Ten says. He gets up to get his phone, and Mark follows his every move. He’s desperate, and he doesn’t care who knows it anymore.

“You had a one night stand and fell in love with the guy.” It’s not a question, but Mark still feels the need to confirm that Johnny’s correct with his statement. What’s the point in denying the truth? “That’s the most Mark Lee thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Hey Jae. What are you doing tonight?” Ten uses an overly friendly tone over the phone, one Mark would deem sarcastic if it was aimed at anyone else, “Well, that’s different,” Ten seconds it with a chuckle, “Actually I have a question for you. I just need your opinion on something, would it be okay if we went out for breakfast after yoga? No, it’s not urgent,” Ten smiles then, “Sure. Actually, that would be perfect. Okay. See you in a few.”

“He’s on his way?”

“Yeah,” Ten confirms, walking back to the couch, and taking a seat, “There. Problem almost solved.”

“What are you going to do when you find him?” Johnny asks a question that there’s no answer for yet.

Mark shrugs, keeping to the promise he made to himself that he’ll be truthful tonight. He really has no idea, “I just can’t handle not knowing anything.”

“Drink your water Markie,” Ten tells him and presses his lips together for a moment, “You’re distressed, it’ll help. Small sips.”

Was he? Was it that evident that he wasn’t exactly feeling like himself lately. There was something missing. What was scary was that he couldn’t exactly tell what that missing thing was.

Johnny and Ten might be some geniuses because that actually works in helping Mark calm down. He manages to do it, even though he’s now thinking about how to phrase the question and what details he should include when he describes him to Ten’s friend.

They sit in silence for a bit, then start talking about work and how things are going on that front. The change of subject is much needed, it’s soothing. They’re discussing Johnny’s latest project when the doorbell goes off. Ten is the one that gets the door while Johnny keeps a watchful eye on Mark.

“Hey, come on in.” Mark starts feeling uneasy as soon as he realizes that Ten’s friend has arrived. He can’t back down now. Ten’s friend walks in and the moment Mark sees him, he stands up from the couch, the shock traveling over his body like a wave. It can’t be. This has to be some sort of hallucination. He knows Johnny is watching him still, but Mark is frozen, he can’t do anything. Ten is oblivious, launching into introductions, “Jaehyun, this is Mark, he’s Johnny’s best friend. I’ve told you about him,” Ten says it with a smile. What has he said? “Markie, this is Jaehyun.”

“Hi, Mark,” the familiar voice that he spends nights agonizing over says. It’s really him. Jaehyun walks towards him, extends his arm for a handshake just like he did that night when he first approached him.

How can the answer be this simple? Mark spent weeks looking for him, and now this guy just presents himself to him like that? Thanks to Ten and fucking yoga?

He’s looking at the man he has been thinking about for the last two months and all the words he can think of get caught in his throat. He isn’t able to say anything, all he can do is stare, really. He was right about that. He doesn’t know what to do or say.

“Markie, are you okay man?” Johnny prompts. By the look Johnny gives him, he knows, the realization making Mark snap back to reality.

“Yeah, fine,” he nods, “Hi, Jaehyun,” he says, gulping as he accepts the handshake. He’s finally able to put a name to the face. The beautiful face, that’s looking at him with a smile. It’s really him. He’s even more handsome than Mark remembers.

Jaehyun’s hand feels soft and warm in Mark’s, the little contact making his heartbeat speed up. Jaehyun then turns away before it gets weird, doing some hand greeting with Johnny that Mark hasn’t seen before.

Johnny then says, “Make yourself comfortable Jae,” and gives Mark a look which Mark doesn’t exactly know the meaning to. “Babe, let’s go make coffee for everyone.” The look on Ten’s face when Johnny suggests that says suspicion, but there’s nothing more to it. Mark is so glad that Johnny catches on so quickly to things. He’ll be able to stop Ten from revealing what he actually wanted to talk to Jaehyun about. If that happens the only thing in the room will be embarrassment and that’s exactly what they need to avoid. Mark can only imagine how Jaehyun must be feeling. This is the worst kind of coincidence for him. It’s what Mark wanted, but it’s what Jaehyun wanted to avoid. It’s already awkward enough without Ten revealing that Mark has feelings involved in the mix.

Johnny borderline drags Ten towards their kitchen, leaving Mark and Jaehyun alone. It’s not the best case scenario, but it’s better than the entire truth being revealed.

“How have you been?” Jaehyun asks him.

“Uh, good. How about you?”

“Pretty good,” he replies, shrugging, “How’s work?” Jaehyun says after a pause.

“Stressful.” Jaehyun nods, accepting Mark’s answer. Mark is afraid to ask the same in return because he doesn’t want to pry. That was the deal, no prying, no personal questions.

“We have cookies, do you guys want cookies?” Ten peaks his head out of the kitchen, his facial expression alluding to Mark that he also knows now, “I’ll get the cookies,” he says, then darts back inside for a moment. Then he peaks out again, “Or maybe we can drink. Do you guys want something strong.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Mark mutters, the words leaving his mouth before he realizes what he’s doing.

“No thanks, I drove here,” Jaehyun responds.

“Maybe you can drive Mark home then. He had a really long day today,” Ten smiles at them before darting back into the kitchen.

“You don’t have to,” Mark says immediately. He’s gonna kill Ten for this.

“I want to,” Jaehyun tells him, “We should talk.”

* * *

Ten makes up a story about a business investment that he needed Jaehyun’s opinion on, which Mark is extremely grateful for. His feelings stay a secret for a little while longer because of that. They talk about that mostly, and a bit about Johnny’s work, with Ten’s business degree allowing him to bullshit his way through the conversation.

Mark’s feelings stay secret, but what is blatantly obvious on the other hand is that Johnny and Ten know what happened. They make it far too obvious with their looks and smiles.

After Ten and Johnny walk them out, Jaehyun insists on giving Mark a ride, while Mark desperately searches for an excuse and fails to provide one. That’s how he finds himself in the passenger seat of Jaehyun’s really nice car, praying for anything but awkward silences. Awkward silences are the beginning. But once they start talking, Mark decides he likes them better than talking. Once they start talking, Mark has to admit some things that he’d rather keep to himself.

“So Ten and Johnny know?”

Mark has no idea why it sounds like an accusation to him, but that’s where his mind goes, so he defends himself.

“I had no idea you knew Ten. I told them about what happened, and when I saw you I…”

“Mark. It’s fine,” Jaehyun interrupts him.

“Johnny knows me really well.”

“I don’t mind them knowing. I’m glad they know,” Jaehyun tells him. Mark looks at him then, at the concentration on his face as he watches the road. Jaehyun clears his throat, he doesn’t look at Mark when he says it, but Mark can somehow tell that Jaehyun means it when he says, “I’m sorry I left that morning.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. That was the deal.”

“Yeah. But I’m just saying. It would’ve been nice if it happened more than once.”

Fuck, it so would be nice. Mark wants it to happen again too. The thought of it makes him say it.

“It can.” Jaehyun’s confession makes him feel a bit brave, so he responds with more honesty than he expected to. He surprises himself even. “But I can’t do casual. I catch feelings far too easily.”

It’s silent for a bit, Jaehyun seems to be in thought during those few moments. The awkwardness of the situation ends when the car stops at a traffic light.

“Have you caught feelings yet?” he asks, finally looking at him, as he expects a reply. He smiles, seemingly satisfied at Mark’s nod, “I wasn’t talking about casual.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am. But you should know that I get really possessive.”

Mark doesn't need to be persuaded. He agrees to the terms easily.

“I don't mind possessiveness.” He admits. A possessive Jaehyun isn't a surprise after all. He could tell that from how he was in bed. It might be why Mark fell so hard in the first place.

Jaehyun pulls up the car in front of his building, and they sit in the car for a few minutes, exchanging numbers and talking about potentially going out that weekend. Neither of them knows for sure because of work, so they settle on not settling, making it a last minute thing and arranging it over the phone.

Mark gets excited about the possibility. The entire evening is a roller coaster of emotions. It’s so difficult to process, where and how it began are a blur compared to how it ended. He’s gonna need a minute. But he doesn’t allow himself to have it.

“You should come upstairs,” he tells Jaehyun, evident insinuation in his words.

“Okay.”

He tries to remember whether his apartment is clean or not as they stand in the elevator, but in the end he decides it doesn’t matter. He’s not bringing Jaehyun up for an apartment tour. He’s bringing him up for the round two both of them wanted and missed out on.

The touches are more passionate. Jaehyun read him well the first time, but this time he reads him even better. He holds him tighter after. It’s somehow more perfect than Mark remembers it being.

The fact that Jaehyun stays over and they wake up together is just the cherry on top.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos, comments and feedback are welcome and much appreciated
> 
> find me here too:  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/newct127)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/newct127)


End file.
